Prerequisites to the change of the personal pronoun
I fell in love about 4 years ago. As the song goes, with time and experience, I was falling in and out of love. This is something natural. Every day is different and you cannot feel the same emotions continually for 4 years. Thankfully.
One of the first things that made me realise I am in love not with Love itself, not thanks to the hormone of happiness and not with a projection of my Loved one, was the way I had started to respect independence. Till then, I thought love is the clinging behaviour of doing everything together and mumbling words of tenderness permanently.
Then the grand plans step in – marriage, children, purchase of a house/flat. All these are great phases in Life and all are so unnecessary to plan. It is a public secret that I am a firm opponent of planning.
Most of all, because planning makes me apprehensive. Planning means I would easily get disappointed.
After some time spent in beautiful Malta, I got tired of asking the question “What is your next goal?” as I knew the answer. It was not a surprise anymore. It is a behavioural pattern in Malta: From your parent’s house, you need to buy your own home and get married.
Society and religion – the world’s greatest adventure killers.
The change of the personal pronoun
I enjoy going to weddings. But I cannot see myself fitting in the frame any time soon.
For me, wedding is the pompous declaration of love that is meant to be a very intimate feeling. It is funny how people think you are not sure in your love, should you decide not to display it in a public kind of way, aka a wedding.
I have the opposite belief – are you so unsure about your love that you need to invite 100-200 people and say “I do”.
“I do” happens when I look into His eyes and He sees sincerity.
“I do” happens when I tell Him what I did wrong and ask for forgiveness.
“I do” happens when we hug each other recharged with new stories & experiences to share.
“I do” really happens when we keep our to “I”-s separately to make our ‘We’ blossom.
There are still friends of my Man whom I have never met and vice versa. This phenomenon is called ‘personal space’ and lengthens life. No matter what ugly description gets labeled to it “What are they hiding?” “Are they ashamed of one another?” “Do they dislike spending time together?” the simple fact is we have entered the pattern of being aware he and I will love each other every now and then, but forever.
I do not think of ‘personal space’ as ‘freedom’. Freedom means I am captivated, imprisoned in my time with Him, which simply is not true.
He and I love travelling together and apart. And no, we are not travelling apart just to keep things spicy and we do not have the need to miss each other.
Those are the desires of the ‘I” that the other person respects. They do not stem from fears, deals and bargaining, “Please let me go for 2 months and then you could also go.”
Yes, compromise is there in some form, but Love, as I see it, is the ability to fly.
I adore my time alone, exploring a new place and I fly because wherever I am, my Man is behind me. I talk to him mentally and I smile at what he supposedly replies to me.
The reason for this post is the change of the personal pronoun.
I have recently talked to a childhood friend of mine and asked how he was. The answer was: “We are feeling OK, things are going well, we are leaving to XXX soon.”
My problem being that I asked about him. Logically, being my respectable self, I would have inquired about his girlfriend (a wonderful person) as well. But the “WE” has been already soaked deeply into his mentality and his life view. I meant ‘their’.
The other thing that really bothers me is the hilarious statement “We think”.
A person whom I know from many years has told me they think art is a real blessing. The truth is this had never been true for my friend, but now “We think it is great.” This is not to say that people cannot start sharing their other half’s interests. However, pretending you liked something all your life, is an outright lie.
And I think lying does not go hand in hand with Love.
You would try to confront me – “Angie, don’t you use ‘we’ in sentences?”
Of course I do. But I see it slightly different, let me visualise it for you.
These are two I’s that lean towards each other, trust each other, stand up for each other and make compromises for each other, without moving away from their personality and becoming one all. Beautiful, isn’t it?